Monday, April 13, 2009

My Journey Through....

I decided to start this Opiates Anonymous Blog, for people, just like me who are finding trouble "fitting in" at NA or AA meetings. People who just feel like they have to Google, and search all over the internet for the information they need regarding their Percocet, Vicodin, Pain Pill, Heroine, or any other type of Opiate addiction they may suffer from.

I am going to share my story, from start to finish, keeping it anonymous.

My addiction began a year ago, Spring of 2008. I loved the way pain pills made me feel, and began taking them for fun, and mostly for emotional pain. I took them to feel good, to have fun, and to relax. Well, that turned into a weekly habit, and soon, I was taking them daily. I tried to stop, and got "food poisoning"....or so, that's what I thought. I was totally clueless, and 100% in the dark about what withdrawals were, etc. I had NO idea you could get addicted to something sold in a Pharmacy....I had no idea that with addiction, comes physical withdrawals. I was in for a rude awakening.

I ended up in the ER several times, pretty much every time I tried to quick, I would end up there with a migraine, or severe nausea. I never was able to kick my habit. At my worst, I was up to 150mg of Oxy, Percocet, or Vicodin a day, whatever I could get my hands on! Money was no issue, so that was never something I could use, "I have to stop, I have no money"....nope, I kept using because I had a great job, and this drug, just helped me work harder. I truly convinced myself of that.

Nobody knew about my October of 2008, I decided it was seriously time to wean down, and quit. After getting pregnant, I decided to cut out the drugs 100%, but after reading that physical withdrawals can and will harm your baby, I started taking small doses of Methadone, about 5mg-10mg a day, just to get by, and live. After 6 weeks of what was originally thought to be an answer to my Opiate withdrawal, and addiction, I found that I was now, addicted to Methadone, and pregnant! I decided it was time to tell my husband....I told him everything and he couldn't have been more compassionate, understanding and loving to me. He totally picked up the slack at home, and we both agreed, that we needed to put my addiction into the hands of professionals. I searched around for a local rehab or detox program, and was able to find one, in fact, they even specialized in pregnancy! This was perfect! I called, and got in the next day.

I was so nervous, and so ashamed. Here I am, a hard working woman with a GREAT life, and I am on my way to detox from drugs, while pregnant. How did I let this happen? How did I get here?

Being at detox for the next 7 days, gave me a lot of time to think. I was able to forgive myself for my addiction, and educate myself on how Opiates take over your brain. I was detoxed for three days, then slowly (by slowly I mean .3mg) introduced to Buprenorphine, also known as Subutex (Suboxone without the Naloxone, which is not safe for pregnant women). I started taking Subutex, and was stabilized at 8mg/day after 3 days. My doctor wanted me to be on this Subutex Taper for about 6 weeks. Well, after doing my own research online for HOURS on end at the hospital, I decided I would only take Subutex for 21 days MAX, and only use it for detox.

Going home from the hospital with a prescription for Subutex, which included 80/2mg pills was very overwhelming to say the least. I mean, I had just ended my year long battle with pain pills, and Opiates, and here I was, carrying around a prescription for them constantly being reminded of my disease. I decided after 5 days being out of the hospital, it was time to tell my best friend. I confided in her, and gave her my prescription. She was amazing! We sat down, went over my past use, she researched the drug Subutex/Suboxone, and we started the taper! I went from 8mg to 6mg, to 4mg very quickly. I then went down from 4mg to 2mg, and now, on day 16 of my detox, I am down to 1mg for the past 2 days, and plan to take 1mg today as well. After today, I will drop down to .5mg/day for the next 3 days, and then completely drop Subutex Friday of this week.

The taper has been hard, but once I turned this over to my friend, it became SO much easier. If I were in charge, I would take WAY more than needed, because I am an addict, and feel like I need pills....Thanks to her, and having that support system I am able to wean and taper safely. Also I have to drive to her house, to get a dose, and she cuts them down, and does it all for me. I NEVER see a prescription bottle, EVER. It makes me last a lot longer, before taking a dose, etc. So far, Saturday and yesterday were the only days I truly felt physical withdrawals. And, by that, it was totally manageable! I was able to work, and nap through it. I had a runny nose, goosebumps, hot/cold sweats, and just felt a bit anxious, and like my skin was crawling, but NOTHING major! I am doing this for my baby, and am so grateful that I haven't had a hard time. Anyone can do this! This medication can work, short term for sure!

I plan to keep everyone posted on my status as I finish off the final days of my taper. I encourage feedback, comments, and questions. You are welcome to email me for advice or support anytime at

I do attend weekly counseling, with an addiction therapist, and have cut out anyone who may have helped me get where I am today. AA and NA were both NOT for me. I cannot relate to alcoholism at all, and the crowd at NA just didn't make me feel like I fit in. Everyone has something that works for them, for me, it was confiding, and confessing in a very good friend, and attending one on one sessions with a therapist specializing in addiction, for others, these meetings might work. Either way, you cannot do this on your own. You need to have support!


  1. So what's the latest on your efforts.... Have you been able to completely quit the subs yet?

  2. I was hooked on a 2.5 year vicodin habit pretty bad. I decided to go to rehab and detox. They put me on suboxone and wanted to taper me down slowly, until I educated myself and decided to pull myself off of the suboxone day 5. The withdraw felt exactly the same as the vicodin withdraw. Not only did the suboxone cost me $250, but it robbed me of 5 precious days, where I could of gone thru what IW ent thru my first week in rehab instead of my last. Those subs are just as dangerous and harmful as the drugs they are "subbing" for. If you want to be DRUG FREE, you have to be DRUG FREE. The withdraw is inevitable but you CAN DO IT! I was lucky enough to be able to be in a rehab with other going thru the same thing as I and it was comforting to know "if they can do it, so can I" and I Drew my strength from them and the 4 meetings a day they had us attend. Thank you God for that rehab and thank you for this blog!:)

  3. what happened to my comment?:(

  4. Hello i finally hit rock bottom with oc's heroin, roxys and what ever i could put in my body went almost 2 years never missing a day and on my honeymoon this last oct didnt take shit with me it was a nightmare. We were in hawaii my wife had no idea what was wrong with me the week we were gone i didnt sleep 1 minute picked right back up when got home about 1000 dollar a week habbit i couldnt ask 4 help and finally jan 10th i did checked into treatment 30 day inpatient i fought the fuckin demons off and now have 65 days clean and shit does get better i hit alot of meetings and share my stories hoping i can help another addict. Stay strong brothers and sisters and try not and take the subs im glad i didnt cause ive seen those fuck people up just as bad and they cant get off them. It took me about 24 days to start sleeping like 4 hours a night and my mind to stop racing and at 65 days still not gettin full 8 hours but i feel so much better and rested i feel like im winning the battle. MEETING MAKERS MAKE IT!!!

  5. I too suffered from opiate addiction for 13 years-I felt they made me on top of my game,but actually they just hindered my life.I am now 9 months sober,all I want to do is live my life in recovery.Like I hear and believe "one is too many and a thousand is never enough"-this is so true my life.I use to think life was just a swallow away, but I see and appreciate everyday so much more now!

  6. I have the same opiate habit as you, but am a male and thus not pregnant.
    I am currently 12 days "clean," but have also been on the "marijuana maintenance program" according to AA/NA.
    I rarely drink (3 glasses of wine per week), and smoke about a bowl a day of weed (maybe .25 grams per day?); however, this is contradictory to the traditions and regulations of AA/NA. Does anyone else feel like this?
    I feel that my problem was (and whenever I have cravings still is) opiates. Can't I just sever my ties to this class of drug and call that my recovery? Does it have to be all or nothing, and if it does, WHY?
    We define every human being as an individual: different from EVERYONE else in SOME way. Even identical twins have personality differences. So then WHY would EVERY addict have the same exact recovery treatment?
    I disagree with the absolutism of AA and NA, and would love to "officially" host "Op.A." (Opiates Anonymous).
    I feel that, while marijuana may be classified currently as a narcotic, it is no more of a drug than tobacco, so if I smoke either, I am equally guilty of addiction.
    But I don't WANT to stop being an addict, I want to stop OPIATES.
    Does anyone else feel like me, or am I just another naive NA newcomer who should stop whining about pot???

  7. Holy shit, I just realized that the original post for this was from the (now not-pregnant) author of this site still ok? How is your baby?

    Sorry about my rant above, I just really feel strongly about NEVER going back to popping pills...but I'm not ready to give up every substance under the sun.

    Call me immature. Call me selfish. I know, and you can't possibly hate me more than I hate myself, so haha.

    Anyway, even though I'm "Anonymous" (like anyone with half a brain who posts on a site about the drugs they abuse), I hope the author is ok. Please give the rest of us "Opiates Anonymous" members an update!

  8. Hi I have been a drug addict for years!! Pills being my last drug to favor and the hardest to kick. I am glad to see this site. I am 26 days sober from everything. I have a 3 month old baby. Thankfully he was not addicted when he was born. I don't know how because lord knows I didn't stop. I have felt like an awful mother. I know I can only do the next right thing now.

  9. The reason why a true addict must abstain from all drugs is because the limbic system doesn't know one drug from the other. You continue to crave ALL drugs when you feed the pleasure center of the brain. Addiction is more than a using problem, it's a thinking problem. Using drugs and alcohol is a symptom of the disease.

  10. I'm 25 days sober. Got addicted to pain killers a year and half ago after a work injury and a years worth of surgeries. what the hell, how did this happen. I hit bottom at 400.00/day, told my family and went to intensive out patient. I truly take each day as a gift and with my group therapy, and subutex, I'm weaning down under med supervision. I felt like the worst human in the world. My family is very supportive. I'm going to every AA NA EA meeting each day, sometimes 2 per day. I know i can't do this alone, but the NA meetings talk about drug use, not recovery. AA folks are super nice, but I don't drink so????? I'm being told I have a disease and have to go to meetings where i don't fit in. I'm going to keep trying, I know there are tons of types of meetings, but i don't need an aa sponsor calling me every day for support when they don't get it. Still finding my way, not looking for excuses, just as much info as i can